Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"Breaking the Bow and the Battle": The Biblical and Historical Case for Christian Peacemaking

In a world of Nobel peace prize winning wartime presidents and a flood of faddish peace sign t-shirts likely made in sweatshops, it almost seems ridiculous to bring up the subject of peace. I mean, I’m wearing a peace t-shirt right now (bought fair trade and made of organic cotton, thankyouverymuch) that makes me feel like a cross between a walking advertisement, an oxymoron, and a hippie wannabe. What good is talk of peace in a world this far gone, a world of genocide and nuclear stockpiles, a disconnected, globalized world nearly devoid of the possibility of community justice- and peacemaking? What good is talk of peace in a “free” country where activists are jailed for nonviolent protests, where Homeland Security has hefty files on dangerously gentle men like Shane Claiborne? And what good is a biblical discussion of peace when the Church has not had a consistent, across-the-board peace testimony for 1800 years? Who can bear the terrible load of shalom-making under a Messiah expected immediately who has tarried for two millennia? At what point do we ditch discipleship and shun our Savior, turn our backs on his teachings, and half-heartedly live in a hollow shell of the Wholeness Kingdom which was meant to be our inheritance? Historically, it began to take place before 200 AD, when, faced with heretical sects, frustrated expectations, and cruel persecution, the Church began to compromise kingdom values in the name of Power and Security. Orthodox dogma was laid out, ecclesiastical power was consolidated, and the Jesus-followers became incarnations of the very power structures which their Messiah came to overthrow. By 313 AD, the Church had degraded (or upgraded, depending on who you ask) to the point where the Roman Empire, crucifier of Christ and persecutor of Christians, could tolerate “Christianity,” and Emperor Constantine could accept the religion as his own. With this, the wild kingdom of the Lion of Judah, the Prince of Peace, was thoroughly civilized and militarized. Little has changed in 1700 years of Church history, in millennia of spirituality characterized more often by violence and oppression than peace and justice, by monoculture and intolerance than diversity and acceptance. (Do we wonder why Christ tarries? What husband longs to return home to an unfaithful wife?) The originally anti-imperialistic Christianity has, since Constantine, been the religion of empire and colonialization. The originally nonviolent Christianity has been the religion of the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Native American genocide (North and South American, by two entirely different Christian empires), the Witch Hunts, the Holocaust, and every war in U.S. history.


Now all of this would not bother me so much if there were a hint of scriptural or historical ambiguity that the Way of Christ is the Way of Nonviolence, the way of dying for your enemies instead of killing them. The more that I read and study this, however, the more I am floored by the weight of the case for Christian nonviolence. I wonder, how have we missed this? How have our eyes glazed over so much of our Scriptures? Why have our shepherds led us so astray, transformed us into wolves? And how do wolves consumed by the ethics of vengeance and bloodlust transform back into sheep? And so I write this in the hope that we simply do not know “what would bring [us] peace,” as Jesus lamented (Lk. 19:41), that we are unaware that we as Christians are “called to peace” (Col. 3:15, 1 Cor. 7:15, 1 Pet. 3:8-12). I write in the hope that knowledge would lead us back into our calling and into transformation.


We must first expand our understanding of what shalom is. For too long, I read the Bible and interpreted every use of the word “peace” as a merely internal sense of comfort and well-being. This is borderline (if not blatant) blasphemy, the theology of a wealthy and insulated Church who has never known the longing for holistic justice and well-being that the beaten and oppressed Hebrews craved, that all of their Scriptures yearned towards. Inherent in the word shalom is wholeness. Shalom is a holistic peace that must start at the smallest level and trickle upward. True shalom is made up of (1) peace between humanity and God, (2) peace within oneself, (3) peace within one’s society, and (4) peace between one’s society and other societies. Here we run face first into the genius of Jesus as peacemaker: he did not attempt to “make peace” on a societal level first (as he was expected to do), which would have required massive violence and bloodshed; instead, he made peace at the most basic level, between humanity and God, and shalom [should have] seeped outward from there, steeping into one’s soul and through one’s relationships into society and, eventually, to all societies, the Kingdom of God finally realized. If we delve deeper into the word shalom, to its active form, salem (to make peace), we come to an important understanding. Inherent in the word salem is the concept of atonement. For shalom to be made, there must be restitution; there must be payment. This is why Christ’s sacrifice was so essential, why there could be no peace in the Old Testament. Jesus of Nazareth sacrificed his body as the fulfillment of all sacrifices to make restitution between God and man, to “reconcile to himself all things” (Col. 1:19). Thus the movement of peace begins, spreading ever outward.


To understand Jesus as Messiah, we must understand what it would mean to a Hebrew for Jesus to qualify as Messiah. Hebrews did not look first for an internal salvation from their Messiah; no, he was to bring a concretely new social reality, the Kingdom of God, in which there would be no oppression or strife. They yearned to be literally saved from a very real and ongoing oppression. Central to this Messianic vision—essential to it—is that the Messiah would bring shalom. This is reiterated over and over. Both Isaiah and Micah proclaim it: “For the law will go forth from Zion, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem. And He will judge between the nations, and will render decisions for many peoples; and they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, and never again will they learn war” (Is. 2:3-4, cf. Mic. 4:3). And again, Isaiah declares,

Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this (9:5-7).

And again: “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed” (53:5). And again: “All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace” (54:13). And again: “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands” (55:12). And again: “I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel. Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the LORD. "And I will heal them"” (57:18-20, cf. Eph. 2:17). And yet again: “For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her [Jerusalem] like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees” (66:12).


Micah reminds us, “And he [The Messiah] will be their peace” (5:5). Paul doesn’t allow us to miss that Jesus is this Messiah, saying in his letter to the Ephesians, “For He Himself is our peace” (2:14). Hosea makes the nonviolent nature of this Messiah clear: "But I will have compassion on the house of Judah and deliver them by the LORD their God, and will not deliver them by bow, sword, battle, horses or horsemen" (1:7). And then, he makes it even clearer: "In that day I will also make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, the birds of the sky, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword and war from the land, and will make them lie down in safety” (2:18). For the doubter who remains, Zechariah joyously proclaims,

Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you; He is just and endowed with salvation, humble, and mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of a donkey. I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim and the horse from Jerusalem; and the bow of war will be cut off, and He will speak peace to the nations; and His dominion will be from sea to sea and from the river to the ends of the earth (9:9-10).

In case we were to miss it, the author of Matthew reminds us that Jesus definitively fulfilled this prophecy during his anticlimactic “triumphal” entry (21:4-5). Can there be any doubt that, if Jesus is Messiah, he came to bring shalom, that war has been abolished for his people, that we are saved from the lie of redemptive violence? The prophets would be outraged by our denial of Christ as peacemaker. They proclaimed it again and again and again, to deaf ears then and now. But they would face us with a simple choice: Either Jesus of Nazareth was a false Messiah, or the Kingdom of Peace has even now begun to break in upon the world.


Still, many would insist that, while it is true that the prophets did proclaim these things, and while it is true that Jesus is Messiah, the era of peace cannot begin until his Second Coming, when he comes back in war and delivers the world from evildoers and definitively establishes his kingdom. (But does this not contradict Hosea 1:7?) While there is some degree of truth in this, the New Testament and the testimony of the Early Christians do not let us off that easily. Even before Christ’s birth, it is proclaimed that Christ is peacemaker. When Zechariah, father of John the Baptizer, regains his ability to speak, he proclaims that his son would lead his people to the Messiah, “to guide our feet into the path of peace” (Lk. 1:79). Just in case we weren’t listening, God fills the skies with angels a few verses later who sing, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will towards men!” (Lk. 2:14). (If we are paying attention, we may remember Isaiah 52:7, “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"”) When Jesus himself breaks onto the scene, one of his first recorded statements is, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matt. 5:9). The Greek word for peacemaker here is eirenopoios, meaning “peacemaker, one who restores peace and reconciliation between persons and even nations” (Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible). It is an active peacemaking, not a passive one. The only other place this word is used in the biblical text is in Colossians 1:19-20: “For God was pleased to have his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” This, the sacrificial enemy-love of Jesus, is our example for peacemaking, for reconciliation. Jesus expands upon this in his Sermon on the Mount, teaching,

You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matt. 5:38-48).

Dare we believe that when Jesus insists that we love our enemies, he actually means it? Can we be honest enough with ourselves to realize that it is impossible to simultaneously love and kill someone?


If we dig deeper into this teaching, as Walter Wink does in his book, The Powers that Be, we will realize that it is even more subversive and revolutionary than it first appears. While the text of this Scripture assuredly prescribes a revolutionary (in)subordination that voluntarily and with extraordinary love gives up all, even one’s own well-being, for the sake of an enemy, there is also a subtext here that is only coherent in light of Hebrew culture. First of all, in order to strike someone on the right cheek, a Hebrew would have had to use the back of the right hand because the left hand was considered unclean in Hebrew culture and was not used (except for the unmentionables). Therefore, what is described here must, in this culture, be a backhand strike of humiliation, from a superior to his inferior. To turn one’s left cheek, then, would require two things: first, it would require your abuser to look you in the eye and recognize your humanity; second, it would require your abuser to now slap you with the palm of his hand, thus considering you an equal. The question is, Will your abuser take his denial of you so far that he will deny himself? Again, Jesus says, if someone exploits you economically, taking your tunic (the outer robe in Jewish culture), you should give them your cloak (the inner robe) also. The Jewish listener would realize that this would leave you standing naked before your abuser. To the postmodern ear, this is embarrassing, but embarrassing for the one who is naked. In Jewish culture, however, the shame of nudity laid on the viewer—in this case, the exploiter. Again, will your abuser take his humiliation of you so far that he will humiliate himself? And finally, Jesus says, if someone asks you to walk with him one mile, go with him two! While this sounds obscure and strange to our postmodern ears, this would not be an uncommon situation for Jesus’ listeners. Roman soldiers would often conscript civilians (Gk. pagani) to walk with them and carry their baggage—but Roman law required that the soldier have the civilian go only one mile with him, no more. To allow the civilian to walk with him two miles, as Jesus suggests, would be an infraction of Roman code. The question remains: Will your abuser take his conscription of you so far that he would convict himself? Are we surprised that Jesus is so subversive? Have we been paying attention?


“As [Jesus] approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, ‘If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God's coming to you’" (Lk.19:41). Jesus has taught his people the way of peace, but they have rejected it, and they welcome him into the city as a violent revolutionary, come to overthrow the kingdom of this earth and institute the long-awaited kingdom of heaven. He has taught them; now he will show them. Jesus’ arrest, trial, and death is almost unbelievably thick with peacemaking. In the garden, Jesus sweats blood as he prays, “Let this cup pass from me,” the cup of death, of nonviolent submission to the powers—but we have not fully considered what it would have looked like for the cup to actually pass from him, what alternative possibility there could be with the powers already coming in mass to arrest him even as he prayed. John Howard Yoder, in The Politics of Jesus, suggests that it could only look like what Jesus himself suggests, a violent revolution: “"Or do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once put at My disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matt. 26:53). (Have we forgotten that this was a very real possibility, that it was, in fact, exactly what the Jews were expecting? What radical implications does it have, then, that God does not choose to redeem his people in this way?) When Peter strikes Malchus’ ear off, Jesus rebukes him, saying "Put the sword into the sheath; the cup which the Father has given Me, shall I not drink it?" (Jn. 18:11), and then, “All those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword” (Mt. 26:52). With this, Jesus points out the fatal flaw of the ethic of redemptive violence: violence can only ever lead to more violence, hate to more hate. Only love can give birth to love. And then Jesus does what none of us could have imagined to do: he heals his enemy’s wounds. This is the ethic of the Christ: to heal our enemies instead of destroying them. This is the essence of the Gospel, of our very salvation as enemies of God. On the cross, Jesus makes this abundantly clear, proclaiming forgiveness for his murderers even as they taunt and torture him. Then, as he dies, he says something extraordinary, something we have heard but not listened to: “It is finished.” We must now return to the verb salem. Under the Strong’s Concordance, the definition is “to be finished, be completed, be at peace . . . to repay, make restitution, fulfill . . . to make peace.” When Jesus cries, “It is finished,” it is a victory cry, the essence of which is, “Peace is made.” This, then, helps us to understand why, after his resurrection, Jesus greets people ecstatically in a completely new way, saying something he did not say at any other time during his life as recorded in the Gospels (even though it was the standard Jewish greeting!): “Peace be with you!” (Lk. 24:26, Jn. 20:19, 20:21, 20:26). The Messiah has accomplished peace, paid the price for it—and he is ecstatic! “Peace be with you,” he says, again and again. “It is now mine to give, yours to live.”


And yet still the question remains: these are nice ideals—peace and enemy-love and all—but were they ever actually lived out by the Church? To answer this, we have to look at Acts, the Epistles, and the historical record. We see quickly, if our eyes are open, that peace was central to the beliefs and practice of the early Church. God is referred to as the “God of peace” just short of ten times in the biblical text, and only one of these is in the Old Testament (Jud. 6:24, Rom. 15:33, Rom. 16:20, 1 Cor. 14:33, 2 Cor. 13:11, Phil. 4:9, 1 Thess. 5:23, 2 Thess. 3:16, Heb. 13:20-21). Likewise, the gospel is referred to as “the gospel of peace” four times (Is. 52:7, Nahum 1:15, Acts 10:36, Eph. 6:15). (Interestingly, one of these is in Peter’s conversation with a converting centurion—often upheld of an example of how a soldier could simultaneously be a Christian [something we’ll look into further later] because Peter did not, in the text, instruct him that he must leave his profession or cease killing. The obvious answer to this is that the gospel is the gospel of peace. Peace is so central that its implications are obvious for those who are aware, as the readers of Acts would have been since they, as we will soon see, were actively living this gospel of peace out and had standards set in place for converted soldiers.) Four times may not seem like a lot, but elsewhere the gospel is similarly “hyphenated” only twice (besides “gospel of Christ,” “of God,” or “of the kingdom”): once as the “gospel of God’s grace” (Acts 20:24) and once as “the gospel of your salvation” (Eph. 1:13).


To make the centrality of shalom even more clear, we are told in the New Testament that we as a Church are “called to peace” no less than three times (Col. 3:15, 1 Cor. 7:15, 1 Pet. 3:8-12). Likewise, Paul and the other writers of the New Testament set the issue of peace at the forefront, beginning each of their letters with Jesus’ ecstatic post-resurrection statement, saying “Grace and peace to you.” This statement is itself a beautiful example of peacemaking and reconciliation, as “Peace to you” was the standard Jewish greeting, and “Grace to you,” the standard Greek greeting. Paul melds these two together, testifying to the oneness of the new humanity. Paul also echoes Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount peace teaching in Romans 12, calling the Church to the nonconformity of nonviolent enemy-love. (This would, of course, suggest that Paul, if no one else, considered Jesus to have really been serious about loving one’s enemies. See 1 Peter 3:8-12 for another writer who apparently thought this). Paul says that actively loving one’s enemy would be like “heap[ing] burning coals on his head” (Rom. 12:20), a verse that is notoriously misunderstood, some saying that you are torturing your enemies by loving them and others that you are giving them a warm, fuzzy feeling. Likely, what the writer of Proverbs (whom Paul is quoting here) is referring to is an Egyptian expiation ritual in which a guilty person carries a basin of burning coals on his head as a sign of repentance (Zondervan TNIV Study Bible, 2006). Beautifully, what is being suggested (and lived out in the early Church) is that this boundary-less love that reaches even to enemies may bring these once-enemies to repentance, embracing them in the hold and fold of love.


It is ironic that the next chapter, which before 1560 (in the absence of chapter and verse divisions) would have been read in the same breath and as a logical extension of this chapter, is often used as an apology for Christian involvement in war:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. (Rom. 13:1-5).

We must remember two things to put these verses in context. First, it is not the Christian who is using violence, but those in government. From the testimony of the early Church, it is blatantly clear that Christians (up into the mid-second century) did not find holding political or military office compatible with their faith (see Eberhard Arnold’s The Early Christians in Their Own Words). It is ludicrous to read Romans 12’s exhortation to enemy-love and then claim that Romans 13 prescribes exactly the opposite. Second, we must note in just what cultural context the Roman church is told to submit to the government. Romans was written around 57 AD, during the reign of Nero, one of the chief persecutors of Christians (and, ostensibly, the murderer of Paul himself). Paul is not insisting that the Roman church submit to some “free and just,” idealistic government like we like to think of the United States. It would be more apt to imagine someone writing this under the reign of Hitler. Now things begin to get uncomfortable. “But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing”—if you uprise violently, which is precisely the tendency a violently persecuted people would (and did) have, be afraid, for Caesar holds the sword—and not just to look pretty. Things get frightening when Paul notes that, “He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.” The lesson is clear but uncomfortable: God can use violence and other evils for his purposes, but that does not give us, as his Church, permission to use them—especially not when we have been given exceptionally clear instructions to the contrary only a few verses earlier.


The gospel of peace, in its concrete social reality, is nowhere made clearer than in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians:

Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called ‘uncircumcised’ by those who call themselves ‘the circumcision’ (that done in the body by the hands of men)—remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace (cf. Mic. 5:5), who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near (cf. Is. 57:19). For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit (2:11-20).

It really could not be said any more clearly or beautifully than that. God’s central purpose through Jesus, Paul says, was to create a new humanity, to make peace by tearing down all social and cultural boundaries, and then to reconcile this new humanity to himself. This is a mystery deeper than we have even begun to comprehend. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). There are no longer any foreigners for the body of Christ. Iraqis, Afghanis, Iranians, Palestinians, North Koreans, South Americans—these are all now our brothers and sisters. Dare we commit fratricide?


For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:3-5). For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. Nowhere has Christian nonviolence been stated more clearly or concisely than here. We do not wage war as the world does. We do not. But we rush to the next verses, saying, “Yes, we fight a spiritual war!” while ignoring the blatant statement that we do not wage actual, physical war. As Christians, we do not. It is that clear. Yet this sits uneasily in us, with our deeply ingrained myth of redemptive violence. Indeed, this battle of myths was raging even then, as evidenced by how Paul immediately precedes these verses by saying, “I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world” (10:2). We do not live by the standards of this world, and what Paul is speaking concretely about here is the standard of redemptive violence. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. No, we see deeper than this into the reality of evil and see that people are never our enemies; people are victims, whether the oppressors or the oppressed. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12). It is interesting (and confusing, and apparently contradictory) that the word for authorities here is the same word (Gk. exousia) that is used for authorities in Romans 13. While we submit in the revolutionary (in)subordination of Christ to these authorities, we recognize that there is a spiritual, political, and ideological power behind them that must be resisted, struggled against at all costs. This is our battle, the battle of myths. In it, we must be held together by “the belt of truth,” our heart must be protected by “the breastplate of dikaiosyne” (of justice or righteousness), our feet must be ready and prepared to cross any boundary in the name of “the gospel of peace,” we must protect our communities with the “shield of faith,” our minds with “the helmet of salvation,” and we must fight with “the sword of the Spirit . . . the word of God” (Eph. 6:14-18). Perhaps this is where we as Christians have become so confused. In rejecting violence, we are not to reject action. Pacifism is not passivity; it is passion, courage, and strength re-directed to the true enemy. And so the early Christians co-opted military language to describe their very real spiritual and ideological battle—to the point where their word for non-Christians or “pagans” was the same as the Greek word for civilians or non-soldiers: pagani. To be a Christian is, in a very real way, to be a soldier—but a new type of soldier, one redeemed from the lie of redemptive violence: a nonviolent soldier of peace. (Check out Christian Peacemaker Teams for the best example I know of modern Christian warfare.)


If you still do not believe me (or Paul, or Peter, or Jesus for that matter) that we as Christians are “called to peace,” the final proof that I can offer you is the compelling testimony of the extrabiblical fathers of the early Church. Here, it is made exceedingly clear that the early Christians considered the prophecies of the Old Testament to have come true, that Jesus was truly the Messiah of Isaiah, Zechariah, Micah, and Hosea. So Justin Martyr, our earliest Christian apologist, could say in his First Apology,

When, however, the prophetic Spirit speaks as proclaimer of the future, he says: ‘The law shall go out from Zion and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem, and he shall judge among the nations and rebuke many people. They shall turn their swords into plowshares and their spears into sickles; nation shall not lift up sword against nation any longer, and they shall study war no more.’ You can be convinced that this has really happened now, for twelve men, illiterate and unskilled in speaking, went out from Jerusalem into the world. Through the power of God they revealed to the whole of humankind that they were sent by Christ to proclaim the word of God to everyone. Now we who once murdered one another not only refrain from all hatred of our enemies, but more than that, in order to avoid lying or deceiving our examining judges, we meet death cheerfully for confessing to Christ.

Again, in his Dialogue with Trypho, he says,

We ourselves were well conversant with war, murder, and everything evil, but all of us throughout the whole wide earth have traded in our weapons of war. We have exchanged our swords for plowshares, our spears for farm tools. Now we cultivate the fear of God, justice, kindness to men, faith, and the expectation of the future given to us by the Father himself through the crucified one . . . We do not give up our confession though we be executed by the sword, though we be crucified, thrown to wild beasts, put in chains, and exposed to fire and every other kind of torture. Everyone knows this. On the contrary, the more we are persecuted and martyred, the more do others in ever-increasing numbers become believers and God-fearing people through the name of Jesus.

But Justin was not insane. Surrounded by the blood of his brothers and sisters, he understood that the reign of shalom had not yet fully come—that though he, as a Christian, was called to peace, to live as a city on a hill, as an example of peacemaking to the world, he was reliant upon the Second Coming of the Messiah for ultimate salvation and shalom. (This is part of the reason why, after 200 years, Christians began to abandon peacemaking in hordes. If Christ was not returning quickly, how could they bear the burden of all this bloodshed—and all in the name of peace?) In his Dialogue with Trypho, Justin strikes the balance between reliance and responsibility, saying, “Shall [Christ] not then, at his future appearance, which will take place in radiant glory, destroy completely all his enemies and all those who in their sins have turned their backs on him! How he will then reward his own with all the things they expected and lead them to peace!” It is only this hope that makes Christian longsuffering possible, empowering martyrs then and now.


Or have we forgotten that the martyrs are the ultimate nonviolent soldiers of peace, their blood “the seed of the church”? Unlike any other empire in history, the Kingdom (Gk. basilea, the same word used for the Roman Empire) of God spread peaceably, and it spread like wildfire, and the only blood that was spilt in its name was given up voluntarily from the veins of its very citizens. The martyrs consider Jesus’ death to be not only the means of the salvation of their souls, but a very real example of social peacemaking which they must follow at all costs. When Jesus says, “Take up your cross and follow me,” the martyrs do not understand this as the psycho-spiritual babble that modern Christianity has somehow made it out to be. They understand the cross as what it was: the Roman means of execution for social revolutionaries. They understand that their alternative lifestyles, their citizenship in the upside-down Kingdom of Heaven, will inevitably jolt and jar the kingdoms of this earth and could very well lead them to a death of nonviolent enemy-love—not merely an unfortunate consequence, mind you, but the fulfillment of all their beliefs and practice. When I have suggested in the past that Jesus’ death serves as our example for nonviolent enemy-love, I have often been told that “Jesus’ death had a purpose [to save our immaterial souls, presumably]; ours wouldn’t.” Here is where the shallowness of our modern North American Christian faith becomes most clear. Under this logic, the martyrs’ death had (and has) no purpose. I can hardly think of a statement that would be more offensive to these men and women who voluntarily give up their lives in the name and example of the crucified Messiah, like Him eschewing the very real and attractive possibility of violent uprising, like Him taking over the world with only one weapon: boundary-less love. “The divine banner and the human banner do not go together, nor the standard of Christ and the standard of the Devil. Only without the sword can the Christian wage war: the Lord has abolished the sword” (Tertullian, On Idolatry).


Yet what of soldiers? Do they (and we) not have a responsibility to the governments, to uphold social order? This is a topic that the early Church struggled with, and out of their struggle was borne a set of standards for converted soldiers. It was acknowledged that some professions would have to be abandoned upon conversion: prostitutes, gladiators, pagan priests, enchanters. Concerning soldiers, Hippolytus, bishop of Rome, important theologian, and martyr, says,

A military constable must be forbidden to kill. If he is commanded to kill in the course of his duty, he must not take this upon himself, neither may he swear; if he is not willing to follow these instructions, he must be rejected. A proconsul or a civic magistrate who wears the purple and governs by the sword, shall give it up or be rejected. Anyone taking part in baptismal instruction, or anyone already baptized who wants to become a soldier shall be sent away, for he has despised God.

If someone is a soldier before being baptized, he may remain in his profession (after all, the sentence for desertion is death), but he must not, under any circumstance or order, kill. (Because of this, the history of the early Church is full of stories of soldiers who were martyred because they refused to kill.) However, if someone has already been baptized, he may not, under any circumstance, become a soldier—or (ouch) “he has despised God.” Likewise, in response to Celsus’ (Greek philosopher and opponent of Christianity), statement that, “If everyone were to act the same as you [Christians], the national government would soon be left utterly deserted and without any help, and affairs on earth would soon pass into the hands of the most savage and wretched barbarians.” Origen—scholar, theologian, and tortured Christian—replies, “Celsus next exhorts us to help the Emperor and be his fellow soldiers. To this we reply, ‘You cannot demand military service of Christians any more than you can of priests.’ We do not go forth as soldiers with the Emperor even if he demands this, but we do fight for him by forming our own army, an army of faith through our prayers to God.” Similarly, early Christian writer and theologian Tatian declares in his Address to the Greeks, “I refuse offices connected with military command . . . I despise death.” Even Constantine, responsible for so much of the militarization of the Church, noted a conflict between his professed faith and military service, “grant[ing] former soldiers ‘freedom and peace’ if they chose to profess their religion rather than maintain their military rank” (Eberhard Arnold, The Early Christians in Their Own Words).


These testimonies, this leadership of the early Church, also found its way into the concrete practice of the “common” Christian. In an extensive study of Christian grave markers, not one Christian soldier was found before 173 AD. After this time (for reasons we have already briefly explored), the numbers slowly and steadily increased (Jean Michel Hornus, It Is Not Lawful for Me to Fight). Without a doubt, the early Church believed that they were “called to peace,” that the Messianic prophecies had “already but not yet” been fulfilled, that Jesus’ example of peacemaking was the hope of a world stuck in the vicious cycle of violence. As Ignatius, apostle, bishop, and martyr, proclaims in his Letter to the Ephesians, “There is nothing better than the peace by which all warfare waged by heavenly and earthly powers is abolished.”


Of course, there are still questions, barriers to our acceptance of our calling (which I cannot resist attempting to answer, even after 18 pages). What of the incredible violence of the Old Testament? (Have we missed that Israel’s most significant victories were won without them spilling a single drop of blood, as they allowed God to fight their battles for them? Likewise, have we missed that Israel was forbidden from military development, from stockpiling chariots and horses (Ps. 20:7, Is. 31:1)? And—this is the most important point—shalom by definition is impossible without atonement, impossible before the sacrificial death of Jesus, impossible in the Old Testament.) What about the statement in Ecclesiastes that “there is . . . a time to kill and a time to heal . . . a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace” (3:3)? (Is it ever good to hate? Is it ever good to kill? Are these verses saying that any of these things are morally acceptable—or are they merely pointing out that they all have their times? I think Derek Webb hits it on the head here when he sings, “There’s a time for peace, and there is a time for war, a time to forgive and a time to settle the score, a time for babies to lose their lives, a time for hunger and genocide—and this too shall be made right.”)


Why doesn’t John the Baptizer instruct the soldiers to cease killing in Luke 3:14? (While he does not specifically instruct them not to kill, John does talk about violence in his reply, something which does not come across in the notoriously poor NIV translation. The word for “extort money” is diaseio, literally “a violent shaking motion”—think “giving them the shakedown”—translated in the KJV as “do violence.” The word for “accuse . . . falsely” is sykophanteo, or “to accuse falsely, oppress; to cheat, extort” (Strongs Exhaustive Concordance). What the NIV horrifically fails in expressly is that John is precisely addressing the soldiers’ violence and oppression; he is simply addressing the intersection between the abstract concepts of violence and oppression and the concrete reality of daily Palestinian life—what John and other Palestinian peasants were experiencing as citizens of an occupied country.)


What about when Jesus says, “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword” (Matt. 10:34)? (Does this contradict all of Christ’s teachings on peace, the very example that he lived out? Or is it a statement of the fact that his coming will inevitably bring division (cf. Lk. 12:51)? As it has, especially for those whose blood was spilt when they took his call to peacemaking seriously. Christ’s first coming did not bring ultimate peace, as had been hoped, but it did empower his people to be peacemakers, to bring peace bit by bit. His Kingdom is, remember, “already but not yet.”) Or when he tells his disciples to sell their clothes to buy a sword in Luke 22:36? (It is funny that the disciples already have not one, but two swords, which they excitedly point out to Jesus. Haven’t they been paying any attention to his teachings? Are they still awaiting the Messiah’s violent uprising? In response, Jesus says “That is enough.” Note that this could be taken as, “That’s plenty,” which is a ludicrous statement considering how many swords they would actually need for either defense or an uprising, or “That’s enough!” voicing Jesus’ frustration that his disciples have, once again, missed the point, failed the test. Two more things bear mentioning. First, it is specifically noted that Jesus asked them to get swords so that he would be “numbered with the transgressors,” fulfilling prophecy; there was no violent intent (Lk. 22:37). Also, remember that when Peter uses the sword that Jesus instructed him to have, Jesus rebukes him and then heals Peter’s victim! Is it any wonder the disciples were confused?)


Finally, what of Revelation, where it says of Jesus in his return that “with justice he judges and makes war” (Rev. 19:11)? (Of course, this is consistent with both the Old Testament ethic of allowing God to fight Israel’s battles and the New Testament ethic of Christian noninvolvement with violence. Only Yahweh can truly war justly—only the One who sees into the hearts of men. In Genesis 18:33, we see God’s standard of just war: “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy [Sodom and Gomorrah].” And let’s not forget that He allowed the righteous family that remained to escape. Also, it bears mentioning that Jesus’ “double-edged sword,” with which he wages war, is held, not in his hand, but in his mouth (Rev. 1:16)! “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Heb. 4:12). The Second Coming scene in the Left Behind series is ludicrous, but apt: Jesus opens his mouth to speak, and his enemies explode into gouts of blood. Jesus’ weapon in war is the same as our own, as expressed in Ephesians 6: words.) And there are more questions, which could be bickered over all day long (who are we kidding—they could be bickered over until Jesus returns with a heavy sigh), but I am convinced that the case for Christian peacemaking is even stronger than I have made it. There are more verses on peace and war than I could have possibly tapped into, even in this ridiculously long paper. I feel as though I have said too much—but not nearly enough. I only hope that what I have said has been enough to awaken the hearts and imaginations of those who read to the possibilities of peace, to the necessity and centrality of peacemaking to the Christian faith. I want to say more, to beg you to join the ranks of this army whose sole weapon is love and whose lives are not our own, but I will stop, and simply ask you to carry on this journey “with fear and trembling,” to struggle with peace and follow Christ as far as he would lead you.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it” (1 Pet. 3:8-12).

May we pursue the possibilities of peace together, as one.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Omnivores, Camels, and Kingdoms

It was a funny moment when I realized that the word "omnivore" has the same prefix as those much-touted attributes of God: omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. Whereas God knows all, is all, and can do all, humans consume all.
Jared Diamond's book Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed comes to mind. I'm still in the process of reading it, but its basic premise is that a society's failure or success has always been (basically but not solely) dependent upon its use of natural resources. Duh, yes? Yet we as humans think that we can consume and consume and consume. We have named ourselves omnivores. We have not learned from history--from Easter Island, from the Anasazi, from the Mayans, from the Vikings, or from any other past society (especially not those small, (un)remarkable ones that have survived and thrived).
We blindly accumulate and consume at any cost, human, environmental, or otherwise.
And now the story of Jesus and the rich man (which has absolutely no relevance to you or me or any other person except maybe those billionaire CEOs and probably not even them because Jesus believes in the free market) comes to mind.
Jesus turns everything on its head in this story, all societal mores and dogmas. In a sickening (but typical) display of flattery, the rich man strides up to Jesus, kneels with a flourish (it is interesting and perhaps enlightening that the only other people that kneel before Jesus in Mark, or any other Gospel for that matter, are the Roman soldiers crucifying him, in a sickening display of mockery), and says, "Good teacher..." Now you must understand that this flattery is typical behavior in this culture, and the only proper response from the flattered was reciprocated flattery...which makes Jesus' reply more than a little awkward: "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone."
Ahem...yeah, well, um...but really, "what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" Just like us, the rich man has only the self-interested question of eternal life in mind. As if his numerous earthly inheritances and possessions are not enough, he craves more, desires the ultimate inheritance. To him, Jesus is not Messiah; he has not come to overthrow the oppressive power structures, to give an inheritance to those who have none, to bring a just kingdom beginning "in this present age" (Mk 10:30). He is merely another Rabbi, another Good Teacher who holds the secrets to eternal life. This is all we can bear from God, all we care or dare to hear: "what shall we do to inherit eternal life?"
And so Jesus lists off a bunch of commandments; this and that and the other, these you must obey, all of them straight from the Scriptures except for that one that is randomly and rather unorthodoxly inserted (in typical Markan style): "Do not defraud." Do not exploit, do not cheat others economically: a commandment that would have had particular significance to the corrupt class of wealthy landowners of which our rich man was a part.
"Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up." (The rich man fills in Jesus' blank with self-flattery.)
"One thing you lack [ironically, it is our surplus that is our lack]: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."
But that's it, isn't it? That's the one thing we can't do. Just as the rich man walks away in grief, we rage against the idea that such a radical proposition might actually apply to us. "Surely Jesus was just speaking to THAT rich man. We aren't that rich [though the wealth of the poorest of the American middle class is surely beyond that rich man's wildest dreams]. Even if we are, we aren't owned by money; we don't serve Mammon." "Then give it up," Jesus says. "No! No, you see, you were talking to a different culture. Money is different now. Money is freedom. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. Everyone has equal opportunity to attain wealth; it is their responsibility, their fault if they can't. Jesus didn't mean for EVERYONE to sell all they possess and give to the poor. That's ludicrous. He was just talking to one man, don't you see?"
But notice that the selling of possessions and the giving to the poor was a prerequisite for following Jesus. Do this, "and come, follow me." Notice that the disciples (after they get over their shock at Jesus' overturning of the persistent dogma that the rich are the blessed of God) respond by asserting, "we have left everything and followed you." Notice that in Acts 2:44-47 and 4:34-35 "all who were owners of land or houses would sell them and bring the proceeds of the sales and lay them at the apostles' feet, and they would be distributed to each as any had need" (NASB). Here in Acts we see the beginning of the birth of Jesus' kingdom (now aborted), his dream of the redistribution of wealth leading to collective shalom, of an eternal Jubilee, beginning to be realized: "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for my sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life."
This is the point: our self-denial would lead to collective affirmation. As Gandhi so famously said, "There is enough for everyone's need but not for everyone's greed."
It is time to quit dissociating ourselves from the rich man and honestly affirm that he is us, that we are the ones that cannot believe that God would ask us to give up our possessions. Indeed, our incredulity is the greatest testimony to our oneness with the rich man.
So here I am, believing this, but with no avenue to put it into action as I attempt to pry the fingers of Mammon's iron grip off of my life.
Yet I am not so lucky (or unlucky) as the rich man to be called into a practicing community. If I could only hear the words of a flesh-and-blood Jesus wrapping around my shoulders like Elijah's mantle, I too, like Elisha, would burn all I had in a glorious Jubilee bonfire for my slaves and follow in the prophetic heritage.
But where would I go? There is no Church, no practicing community that I know of issuing a call to the Kingdom. I have no one to follow.
Oh. Well, I've pegged it, haven't I? Here again I am reminded that the forsaking of possessions is a prerequisite for following Jesus. So here is the question that I attempt so desperately to mask: can I do it? Can I burn my old life and trust God for my daily bread (for the first time in my life) until the kingdom comes? Can I bloody my hands in the building of the kingdom?
"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
---
So since you're thinking it, and I'm thinking it, and the Powers that Be are most definitely thinking it, I'll go ahead and say it: I'm crazy, an absolute lunatic. This isn't what the Gospel is about. Not at all.
Here's what I have slammed up against in conversation: "How could everyone else, all those centuries of Christians, just be wrong?" My response: "I don't know. That scares me. So, please, prove me wrong." But--but--if this isn't what the Gospel is about--if it isn't about a revolution, if it isn't about radical self-denial and collective affirmation, if it isn't about nonviolent direct action in the face of the Powers, if it isn't about giving up all that you have and all that you have been, losing it and finding yourself, if it isn't about wrestling with the nameless god of justice, if it isn't about the Kingdom invading this world through a reckless and limitless love, if it isn't about resolutely resisting with furious and indignant love until the Powers have no choice but to crucify you, and if it isn't about the futility of death and the politics of fear when the grave has been conquered--then what the hell is it about? Going to church on Sundays? Being good and nice? Tithing? Singing uninspired songs? Feeling really good about yourself because God loves you? Telling everyone how bad they are but how much God loves them anyways (for some undefined reason) and how very badly they need Jesus to save their immaterial souls from all those nagging personal, internal infidelities? Is it about social control? Power? Imperialism? Arrogance? Hypocrisy? Violence? Blindness?
Uh, so I'm bitter. Angry. Probably a little unfair. But honestly--how does an imperial Christianity coherently read the gospels and not feel the slightest twinge of cognitive dissonance. How do we read things like, "Sell all you have and give it to the poor," or "Love your enemies," or the Beatitudes, or (skipping to Paul), "We do not wage war as the world wages war," and not feel challenged? If we actually take time to study the culture at the time of Jesus and the consequent significance of his actions that would otherwise be missed, how do we not cross the bridge to our culture and see what we must do?
I sit for hours and ponder how we got this way. How have we gotten so far from our roots in the Messianic and prophetic tradition? How did the Church get to the point where Constantine could hook it like a fish and use it for his purposes? I've read about this, so I have some answers in my mind, sure, but I'm still baffled. What use does an empire have for a blatantly anti-imperialistic gospel? (At this point I think about how funny it is that Mark co-opts the word "gospel," originally meaning a declaration of a Roman military victory, and labels his book as precisely that at its beginning (a necessarily covert action for someone living Jesus' values under Roman rule). And this is exactly what the story looks like at face value: the victory of Rome once again over a social dissident, a victory epitomized by the ever-victorious cross. But then we look deeper, and if we have eyes to see...) How has Christianity since then become the religion of both the British and American empires? How has a story about the dignity and unity of all human beings become the script for dehumanizing actions from British colonial rule to the genocide of indigenous Americans to Hiroshima and Nagasaki? It's unbelievable, mind-boggling, how blind we are, how we have not "eyes to see nor ears to hear" the simple and blatant truth of the gospel. Instead of selling our possessions, we consume more and more and more (and more) and say (with the straightest of faces), "You want to see how much God loves me? Look in my living room and my garage." Instead of loving our enemies, we send our children off to kill them and teach them to pray prayers such as, "God, help us to love our enemies, and make our aim straight and our shots sure." It is unbelievable, baffling, and I am furious because these lies are my inheritance and I have gorged myself on them.
...but, through the clattering clangor, I hear a song, and it sounds like an African American spiritual, like the rousing voices of the oppressed singing, "I ain't gonna study war no more." It sings to me about these slaves and the men who arrogantly (and in the name of the god who has none) claimed to own them. It asks me, "How does someone who is told to own nothing come to believe he can own a human being?" It is angry then, as I am, as it tell me how these slave-"owners" gave their "possessions" Bibles as a form of social control, hoping it would teach them obedience and show them their place.
And then the voice crescendos into an ironic joy as it tells me how these Bibles were their salvation, how the words within taught the oppressed that they are good and loved and worthy of liberation, how it introduced them to the freedom-fighting Messiah that is still overturning tables in our temples of oppression.
And now I know, in an uncertain and shaky sort of knowing, that no matter how bad our intentions in proclamation, the Gospel is still the Gospel for those with good ears.
And there is hope there, poking its petals up through rocky desperation.
A small hope.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Wherever you go, there you are...

...that's what my disenchanted enchantress says.
And it would appear to be true.
Here we are, having moved a million miles away from any human or geographical attachment, running like mad away from ourselves, dreaming half-hearted dreams of rebirth and metamorphosis, and when we arrive breathlessly at our destination...there we are, waiting, staring ourselves down with blank eyes and empty hearts.
Appropriately or not, the raving voices of a fairy-tale mob scream-singing, "Kill the beast!" are now throbbing through my head.
But, ah, here is where the fallacy of the efficacy of killing our enemies becomes most apparent--all meticulously built fences and tenuously drawn borders exposed as meaningless fantasies: the enemy is myself, as it always has been, and love is the only scalpel sharp enough to cut through death, releasing life--through evil, releasing good.
Here the most profound question posed to humanity becomes excruciatingly clear: Can we love our enemies? Perhaps the answer is simply, "Not until we learn to love ourselves."
Is it possible for me to embrace the blank-eyed creepo that follows me everywhere I go, to love him out of his contempt, to woo him out of his cynicism, to imagine him out of his boredom, to reassure him out of his anxiety?
Eh, maybe.

In more concrete terms:
Today is the beginning of my eighth week in Denver, and personal transformation is slightly more elusive than I had hoped. There was no welcoming committee waiting in a polite line outside my apartment when I arrived, shaking my hand one by one and assuring me that Denver was quite glad to have me. There was no leader-less entourage sipping tea at the coffee shop down the block, waiting for me to stroll up in a display of almost unbearable charisma and lead them away into the city on a series of life- and world-altering adventures. Alas, I must admit that I still have not a single soul in Denver I could walk up to, place my hand on his shoulder, and say affectionately, "Friend..."
This is a lonely city for a SAD individual for whom every smile is lined with singularly sharp shanks. (This is precisely like the brain chemistry of the abused and abandoned boys I work with--neurons, synapses, and hormones twisted (or simply unformed) by years of neglect and trauma. Their brains no longer allow them to live adaptive lives. Their homeostasis is terror, and the slightest escalation is perhaps beyond what I have experienced or can imagine. While I might lay blame on them for their violence and borderline sociopathy, I am reminded that their brains lay un- or malformed. They are literally incapable, at the most basic level, of handling social relationships. And I am told that it will take just as long to unravel this knotted snarl of nerve endings as it took to tangle it in the first place. Yes, this is precisely what I fear it is like with me.) I have my new beginning in this new place, but I fear that all I have accomplished in this relocation is to cut myself off from the few support systems I had in the first place. I am uprooted--albeit from a place where I was not flourishing in the least--and now I begin to tenuously weave my roots into this new soil in the hopes that it is kinder than what I have known.

But, after eight weeks, I begin to feel like an exile of old, an indignantly indigenous wild-man dragged to the paved streets of Babylon. Which is fairly ludicrous, since I came here happily of my own accord, with those quite hopeful dreams of rebirth and metamorphosis. Not to mention the fact that there is rather little wild about me--sure, I grew up in a bastard country town, but I spent most of my childhood playing adventure games on my computer and wondering why other kids wandered outside. Still, I feel a fragment of wildness slitting through the hardness of my heart, paining me and causing me to hope. I hope to, like Daniel, dream revolutionary trees and humbly resist the violent ways of urban empire. I hope to cling to a wild, nameless god with a furious keening for all the upside-down madness of justice. And I try to have courage and continue to hope as I remember Daniel’s pit--the pit of all prophets, most of whom find no salvation. It is here that I begin to feel the frailty of my spirit, that I understand my bondage to the violent politics of fear.
I am isolated here, from wilderness, from community. How, in such a place as this, does one know the god who will not be named? I am bound by rationality, by the dis-enchanted philosophy of a global empire whose cravings have not been sated in the least. There is no room in this tight proof for the madness of children and the indigent. No room for wonder or mystery. This is the cage I have mindlessly crafted for my spirit. Who can argue with the towering rationality of skyscrapers--the homes of and altars to our one, true God: Mammon.

Yes, now I am talking about something else, but precisely the same thing.
Because this is the problem, isn't it? Sure, my brain is twisted and malformed. Sure, I'm lonely and rather depressed. Sure, I am simultaneously ravingly desperate and coldly jaded. But these are only symptoms. The problem, to oversimplify it, is the way we (as racing humans) have fled full-speed from a world of small, autonomous communities who are bound by respect and uttermost dependence to each other and (just as importantly) to a place. We have fled to cities as old as Cain's, to altars to our own (illusion of) independence.
Which leaves me here, a madman in a civilization of sanity (hoping that the Truth is just the opposite), feeling alone and disconnected (how else could one feel in a culture built entirely on a disconnect from everything alive and real?), lost in my dreams of an older and better way, refusing (for better or worse) to come to grips with the "world" my fellow humans have created and accept as unquestionably necessary.
I can't stop thinking about it, can't stop talking about it: I feel betrayed. I've been told everything is like this when it is precisely like that. It seems it is this way with everything. My spirituality, for example. I have been told my whole life that Jesus was a kind, tame man who came to save our intangible souls. But, as some person or another once said, "Who would kill Mr. Rogers?" Nobody kills a nice guy for offering them eternal life. Nobody kills a heretic because they are just so very upset that someone would say something so very untrue, tsk, tsk, tsk. No: you murder heretics and blasphemers because they are a threat to your social power. When a man comes along with a vision of a kingdom that doesn't include the power structures that benefit you so beautifully, it's time for an execution. Let's not even go into the fact that Rome also needed to have a reason to give this very nice and good man a political execution. I imagine the fact that he was rumored to be the Messiah, the King of the Jews, the one who has come to overthrow all oppression (including the colonial oppression which is the very lifeblood of your existence) would be a good enough reason. Likewise, I've been told to take up my cross (read: spiritual burden) with no reference to what a horrifying proposition this would be for a 1st century Jew who understood that the cross was an instrument of torture, irreplaceable in the politics of fear, used solely for social dissidents to make a very clear statement that Rome would suffer no revolution. To tell this person to take up his cross is to say, very plainly, "Resist this oppressive social order at any cost, even your own life." I could go on and on, and I do, in my mind, day after day, running through the inconsistent madnesses of an imperial Christianity which seems wholly ignorant of a concept so simple and so central as what it would mean for Jesus of Nazareth to be the Messiah.
So, yes, I feel rather betrayed, as if the Church has planted one big ol' sloppy Judas kiss right on my cheek.
But yet I can't turn my back, can't walk away, can't give up on the hope that...well, that everything might change.
I feel utterly lost, a member of an empire, an oppressor in my own right, unable to trust anyone because everyone has lied to me about the way things are, unable to do anything because everything I do is tainted in some way or another--completely and truly lost with no point of reference to which way is up, down, left, or right.
I fear that the god I passionately served for a good fifteen years is a false idol, an illusion created to justify the way things are.
I fear that the god I am seeking and finding is just as false, an illusion created to justify the way I want things to be.
I feel paralyzed, as though I am standing blindfolded on the razor's edge precipice of a meaningless mountain, about to tumble regardless of which way I lean. I stand completely still as the razor slices slowly through my feet.
I have never been more aware of my need for salvation, never more unsure of which way to turn.
"How does one approach this when all our past loves have let us down?"
I'm just a furious false prophet longing to be true.
And I fear (for your sake and mine) that I have not even begun to articulate what I mean.